If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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