How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize