How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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