I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
