my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
