how can u be prego again
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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