I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
