can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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