the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
