New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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