were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
