the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
