Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
