Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
