To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
