just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
