My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
