Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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