how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
