Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
