Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i drank out of a bidet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
