did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
