I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Enjoy the penises
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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