Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
