No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize