Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
