She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize