guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
