Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
