And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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