i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
