Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
