He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize