the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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