Cold hands, warm shart.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
