Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
