The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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