for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
