does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im holly from the hills drunk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
