Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
