No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
