Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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