You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize