Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
