at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
