I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
