Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
