Only a mothe r could love this liver
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
