I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I came so hard my ears popped.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
