I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
