We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
