He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
