bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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