oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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