yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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