I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
