We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You're like the curious george of whores
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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