is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Holy shit dude........stairs
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