i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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