Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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