just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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