he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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