every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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