you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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