when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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