I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
