I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
